Masquerading Fear

I didn’t even realize how this election was affecting me.

The television drones on and on about the election and I tune it out as I head to bed. I suddenly feel sad and wonder if my kids repeatedly  asking me,  “Mommy, why are you sad”, over the last few weeks have started to affect me but that can’t be it. I  brushed them off, because I thought I was fine.  Maybe just a little tired, but not really sad.

Tonight, however, I am too anxious to sleep and I know I must pray. 

I had this same jittery feeling the night before and the Lord sent me to Isaiah 51. I read it and it gave me some measure of peace that allowed me to fall asleep last night. 

But I know that it won’t work tonight, because I feel so heavy. 

So I force myself to pray, and I do mean forced myself. 

I feel overwhelmed and disappointed and it is so hard to get words of praise out. 

I continue to persist in it and just as I get ramped up, I am sent back to the scripture, Isaiah 51.

Man, what a difference a day makes. 

This time as I read it, my eyes begin to water and I begin to pray this scripture.

12 I, I am he who comforts you;

who are you that you are afraid of man who dies,

of the son of man who is made like grass,

13 and have forgotten the LORD, your Maker,

who stretched out the heavens

and laid the foundations of the earth,

and you fear continually all the day

because of the wrath of the oppressor,

when he sets himself to destroy?

And where is the wrath of the oppressor?

14 He who is bowed down shall speedily be released;

he shall not die and go down to the pit,

neither shall his bread be lacking.

I hadn’t recognized that the sadness that my children could obviously  feel or see was actually fear. 

I have been continually afraid of what news each day would bring. 

I was afraid of my black sons and daughter dealing with hate, racism, prejudices and injustices. 

I was afraid that our politicians are leading us down the same paths that we have traveled before.

I was afraid of the continued oppression of so many people. 

I was afraid for  what I am sure are the  millions of Americans that voted with no idea that they are the oppressed and that it has nothing to do with their skin color.

I have been continuously afraid of daily life and the toll that it is taking on my family.

I have forgotten who I am.

I have forgotten, more importantly, who my father is.

I have forgotten where my comfort comes from.

Yet, he has not forgotten me.

Before I knew I needed to hear this word, he gave it to me.

He reminded me of his power, his attention to his children, his daily presence in the here and now.

He reminded me of his steadfast love for me, Roshandra.

As I sit here writing this at 12:19 a.m., after this latest encounter with my Father, I am in perfect peace. 

I have no idea who is winning the election or who won. And although, at the time that you are reading this, I would have been informed of the winner, you can be sure that I will still have peace.

My thoughts were lovingly corrected.

It is my prayer that if you are feeling discouraged, disappointed, hopeless, afraid or angry at the state of affairs or the state of the world today, that you find just a little peace after reading this. 

I encourage you to read the entire chapter of Isaiah 51.  It was an entire perspective shift for me and I hope it will be for you too.

Till next time, you are always welcome in the porch!